"ON THE LIGHTER SIDE" by Dan Gura
EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the fourth and final in a series of columns and articles about the issue of race and race relations in America. Gura takes a look at the issue from the lighter side because sometimes things are so ridiculous, you just have to laugh.
The Michigan Journal, the student weekly of the University of Michigan at Dearborn, recently ignited a debate over the school's plans to construct two foot washing stations so Muslim students can wash their feet before praying. The estimated cost for this religious accommodation is a mere $100,000.
$2,000 has already been paid to the architectural firm of Niagara Murano LLC to design foot baths which are in compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act. Honest, even I couldn't make up a whopper that big.
The college campus is awash in the foot bath controversy. Roving packs of lefties are in a dither chanting "separation of church and state" while imploring the Anti Christ Lawsuit Union to put a stop to this unconstitutional endorsement of a religious symbol. What's next they worried. Would teachers be allowed to say "God bless you" when a student sneezes?
But the liberals made the mistake of placing their faith in a false god. On September 19th, the Detroit News reported that Director Kary Moss of the ACLU of Michigan issued a decree, "the foot baths are not inherently religious facilities--they are not blessed, cannot be desecrated, and are open to everyone for any purpose." Hmmmm, for any purpose. I wonder if that would include washing the mud off a piglet's hoofs? I mean if the ACLU says they can't be desecrated, who am I to argue?
The University bolstered this bizarre proclamation by posting a statement on their web site which claimed the foot baths reflect a "strong commitment to a pluralistic society (and) a reflection of our values of respect, tolerance, and safe accommodation of student needs."
In that case, since the University of Michigan will have a plumber laying pipe, what say they expand their cultural sensitivity to immigrants from India by encouraging the construction of a scale model of the Ganges River. The Ganga Ma--Mother Ganges--is sacred to Hindus who believe that if the ashes of their dead are deposited in the river, they will be ensured a smooth transition to the next life. The ashes and partially cremated bodies could cause a plumbing problem, but I'm sure Michigan's School of Engineering would be up to the task.
And when the plumber is finished, he can turn his attention to our Protestant brethren. Twenty centuries after the Saviour was baptized by John, Christian pilgrims still flock to the River Jordan to be immersed. It would be most discriminatory to not offer them a miniature recreation of this significant body of water. Maybe they could even recreate Elijah crossing the Jordan before ascending to heaven on a chariot of fire.
Further, since the Israelites had to cross the River Jordan to enter the Promised Land, this would help to assuaging centuries of discrimination suffered by God's Chosen People by letting them splash across.
But we're just getting started. There must be a thousand religions with sacred places and practices which are being discriminated against by omission. Shouldn't witchdoctors be allowed a place to shrink heads? Couldn't we build a knock off of the Cathedral door from Wittenberg, Germany so Lutherans would have somewhere to nail their theses up? How about a room with hundreds of doors to keep the Jehovah Witnesses busy? Why not build sweat lodges for American Indians. And what about the Druids?
My mind staggers at the enormosity of it all. Virtually 150% of the University's budget could be devoted to assuaging liberal guilt and appeasing the perennially offended.
In closing, even if they don't act on any of the previous well intentioned suggestions, I strongly encourage paying homage to the Aztec religion by erecting a teocalli, a temple which had sacred pools for ceremonial cleansing!!! (Remember, we already have the plumber). The only problem I can see would be finding enough virgins to sacrifice to Huitzilopochtli, the god of war and god of sun.
Dan Gura is a contributing editor to RFFM.org.